Hilarious State Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest State Jokes

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression. I said, "I'm so sorry" "...but you can't count Missouri twice."

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62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville". Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

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To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

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A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We’s have a prime number of states and finally be “one nation, indivisible”

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When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"

Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."

Me: "Police identify yourself"

Trooper: "State Police"

Me: "Police"

Score: 1654

Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario: Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.

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Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak? Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

Score: 553

In what state are most cows found in? Solid

Score: 552

I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down. They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.

Score: 526

Alabama has decided to force women to carry babies conceived by rape and incest, to term. Because if they didn't, the state's population would die out pretty quickly.

Score: 355

Just had the following conversation in court Judge: State your name.

Me: Not Guilty

Judge: What?

Me: I had it legally changed.

Judge: You’re Not Guilty?

Me: Thanks, I’m outta here

Score: 350

A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap... and spots a speeder.

He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."

The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."

Score: 291

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital “Loo-uh-vul”, while 38% say “Loo-ee-ville. Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

Score: 279

Golden State Warriors "No one can choke harder than we did." Atlanta Falcons "Hold my beer."

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Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity? It's a sad state of affairs.

Credit: Paul Savage

Score: 224

Why is the English alphabet the closest thing we have to the perfect fascist state? Where else can you find a population that are 96% Not Z’s

(I worked so hard on that one. Be gentle. )

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a physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State building. "Don't do it", he yelled. "You have so much potential!"

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I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is. Maybe Alaska.

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What did the pirate say when he turned 80? "I'm lucky to have lived this long despite my dangerous line of work and the frankly displeasing state of healthcare in the 16th century"

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What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl? Mr. President.

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My dad bought himself a new hearing aid. "It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."

"Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"

"Two-thirty."

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Name a popular state that most people live in. Depression

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There's a lot of talk about making Puerto Rico the 51st state But I think the goal should be to get to 53 states.

A good solid **prime** number.



One *Indivisible* Nation.

Score: 145

There's actually a 5th new state of matter 1. Liquid
2. Solid
3. Gas
4. Plasma
5. Black lives

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Unshakable Fact # 5 Arguing over a girl's breast size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

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A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp. 1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.

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If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

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Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.

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What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth? The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair

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[OC] A notoriously bad stage actor died recently. The vehicle carrying his casket broke down on the way to the funeral, allowing his critics, for one last time, to state that he needed to rehearse.

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A man was about to jump off the Empire State Building... A physicist runs up to him and shouts "Don't do it you have so much potential!"

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Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is "Oklahoma is OK"? Because they can't spell "mediocre".

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What state has the worst drivers? The Islamic State.

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Someone asked me what the largest state in the US is... ...I told them I don't know but I know a girl who might so Alaska.

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Only 49 states like computers... The last state isn't Dell-aware

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What do you call an apathetic socialist state? The "So be it" Union.

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Why is Texas a lone star state? "Because it's terrible."

-Yelp review

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Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course it can, the Empire State Building can't jump.

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New State Jokes

I don't believe in conspiracy theories I believe that they are planted by the bureaucrats and a small secret group of politicians who want to keep citizens distracted so they can protect their deep state secrets

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What state is the favorite of all prostitutes? Idaho

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Not many people know it, but the toothbrush was invented in my home state of Kentucky You can tell because had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a teethbrush.

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I dont see why we need to leave our planet in a better state for future generations The current generation cant get out of middle school before dying off.

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What state do prostitutes fight over? Idaho.

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Bin Laden's kid comes sad from school "Dad i got an F in Geography class"

"Why is that?"

"The teacher asked me what's the tallest building in New York and i said Empire State Building"

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies

"Let dad handle this one."

Score: 14

What state has the lead in the United States? Pencilvania.

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I found out today that you can kill someone by throwing a penny off the Empire State building. Penny was a good child.

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a package thief, an IRS scammer, and your ex all jump off from the Empire State Building, who lands first on the ground? Who cares.

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My proposal for the new state motto of Mississippi was denied. "We're all one big happy family."

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When my wife left me I was in a terrible state. Indiana.

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If Donald Trump talks about "fake news" during the State of the Union... Does that make it the State of the Onion

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As a young man, I used to love my birthday parties , but now anytime my birthday candles are lit state law requires that a fire extinguisher be present.

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I never said... I never said you were stupid, but when I asked you how to spell Mississippi and you asked me if I meant the river or the state, you kinda caught me offguard.

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For a state that catches fire a lot... ...California sure has a lot of snowflakes.

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In the US, what state are the most people in? Depression.

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An anarchist and a communist have an argument The communist wins the argument and the anarchist then says, "Thanks for giving me pro-state cancer."

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Schrodinger had a girlfriend but he was afraid to look at her because she might snap into a state where she didn't exist. And don't even get me started on the double slit.

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What is the difference between an economic recession and a broken down escalator? One is a terrible state of affairs the other is a terrible fate of a stairs.

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49 states don't know about computers. The last state is Dell-aware.

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A teacher says to a boy: "Answer one question i'm gonna give you and you can go home." Boy :"Ok."
Teacher:"What state is Las Vegas located in?"
Boy:"That state"
Teacher:"What state exactly?"
Boy:"Woah, that's already the second question."

Score: 5

North Korea's state media is very truthful They accurately portray United States as a country where half of it is burning and half of it is drowning.

Score: 10

No matter what State you live in, Louisiana is always close to it. I guess you could say it's always close Bayou.

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Why does every state have 2 senators? So that one can be the designated driver.

(overheard an old man at a garage sale telling this).

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Surveys show people from Massachusetts go camping more than any other state. Their destination usually includes one of Connecticut's many passing lanes.

Score: 14

Arkansas ranks highly among other states in terms of depression and adultery It's a sad state of affairs.

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Why didn't people get laid during Communism? The State seized the means of **re**production

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Post-WW2 Soviet joke \- Who is your mother?

\- Our great Soviet state!

\- Who is your father?

\- Our dear comrade Stalin!

\- What's your dream?

\- Becoming an orphan!

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Montana is the number one state in the country for suicidal ideation… Which means it's a nice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there.

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Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets. Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.

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If Trump gets his wall he should do a State Farm commercial Like a good neighbour stay over there

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I live in the state of CA Constant Anxiety

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What state wears glasses? Mississippi, because it has four eyes.

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There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes... ...and the fact that the object in front of you causes cancer in the state of California.

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TIL: Why Texas is called "The Lone Star State" It's their Yelp rating...

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Why are people in St. Louis always sad? They live in a constant state of Missouri.

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in the U.S there are 50 states, and in Ireland, they only have one state Intoxication

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Which state contains the most Jews? Gaseous state.

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What are two places you never want to drop the soap? Penn State or the State Pen.

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Tickets for the Indiana State Philharmonic went up dramatically after they doubled the width of the stage. You didn't think that the ISP would give out twice the band width for free did you?

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What's gray, and if it gets in your eye, you'll probably die? The Empire State Building

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Yesterday I was walking past the state prison and saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down from the concrete wall, screaming insults at the guards.

I thought, "Well, thats a little condescending little con descending"

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My father is a carpenter, and he was telling me about the new, state-of-the-art plumb bob that was just released... It really is next-level.

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Q: What US state did ISIS originate in? A: Caliphornia

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Name a state that most people live in? Depression.

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Ben Carson was asked why he didn't want to be Secretary of State. He answered: "to...me....everyone...seems...like...they...are...always...Russian."

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Florida Gators drink Gatorade Florida State Seminoles drink Seminole fluid.

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I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"

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Donald Trump just added the 51st State of the USA the state of "PANIC"

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Why are the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the Cleveland Browns in the same state? To keep all the busts in one place.

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Congrats to Ohio State, you didn't have the worst performance of the evening... ...Mariah Carey's got your back.

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With all this talk of making Puerto Rico the 51st state, I think we should find 2 more to make 53. One nation, indivisible.

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Alaskan said to Texan: Stop bragging.... ...about how big your state is, or we'll divide Alaska in half and make you the third largest state.

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What was Stalin's favorite Insurance? State Farm.

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As of Nov 9, 2016, what will be the 2nd most populous state in America? Catatonic

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A man in North Korea got given 40 years in a labour camp for calling Kim Jong Un an idiot... 5 for slander, and 35 for revealing state secrets-

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A physicist sees a man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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What do you call a sad state? Missouri

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Worst thing about this Californian drought... ...the the state has lost its favorite, longest-running Rivers

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My companies biggest customer is the state of Missouri. I guess it's safe to say Missouri loves my company.

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