Hilarious Student Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Student Jokes

Sir, your son was smoking marijuana at school during the class! Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.

-- Did he say where he got it?

-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.

The father, cleaning his tears:

-- Did he really say that?

Score: 7029

Post Malone Has Started His Own Student Loan Service in an Attempt to Lift the Burden Off of New Graduates It's called "Post Malone's Post Pone Ma Loans"

Score: 4568

A teacher asks the class, “What are some examples of flammable objects?” and the Jewish student raises his hand. The teacher replies, “Very good! Any other examples?”

Score: 3320

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"

Score: 2801

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

Score: 2681

I just want to thank student loan for letting me get through college I don't think i can ever repay you

Score: 2233

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"???? Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 2068

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

Score: 1592

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"

The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

Score: 1451

Score: 1322

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine) Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth

Score: 1272

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I could ever repay you

Score: 1221

Student: Are well and actually both one syllable words Teacher: Well yes , but actually no

Score: 1205

A driving teacher asks his student "There are 2 people standing on the road, your mother and your wife. What do you hit?" Student: "My wife"

DT: "For the 3rd time, you'll hit the brakes!"

Score: 623

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I" Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the...

Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 601

What do you call an IT teacher who touches his student? PDF file.

Score: 500

I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'. And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'.

Score: 428

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 349

Thanks student loans for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever pay you back.

Score: 348

A Texan says to a Harvard student... Texan: where are ya from?

Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions.

Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, jackass?

Score: 337

A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master Shi, why do all chinese look the same?" Then the Master replyed: "I am not master Shi."

Score: 335

Today I gave a student detention for being tardy I was then fired from my job as a special ed. teacher

Score: 289

Thank you banks Thank you banks for the student loans, car loans and mortgages, which helped me survive my life.

I don't know if I can ever repay you.

Score: 288

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!" The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

Score: 264

So a foreign exchange student asks me: "Is the word "ee-ther" or "eye-ther?"

I told them it was either.

Score: 261

A student walks up to his teacher... -Student: "Miss, would you blame someone for something that they didn't do?"

-Teacher: "No of course not. I would never do that."

-Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."

Score: 258

Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.

Score: 246

A zen student asked his master: “Is it okay to use email?” “Yes”, replied the master, “but with no attachments.”

Score: 243

A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!" "You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"

Score: 242

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I" Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 240

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up" *Nobody stands up*
Teacher:"There has to be at least one stupid student here"
*Timmy stands up*
Teacher:"Timmy do you think you're stupid?"
Timmy:"No, I just felt bad that you were standing alone"

Score: 223

Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed lesbians Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.

Time to update my display to 4K.

Score: 212

A man lost $100 bill Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

Score: 181

The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."

Score: 169

Thanks student loan for getting me through college I don't think I can ever repay you

Score: 138

A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?

Score: 130

Teacher: "Use the word dandelion in a sentence" Student: "De cheetah is faster dandelion"

Score: 126

What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof? Don't do that, you have so much potential!

Score: 106

Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases One kid wrote:

1. HIV, AIDS
2. Cancer
3. /

The teacher asked what's '/' ?

Student replied it's a stroke.

Score: 82

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is… A student puts his hand up and says, “G, miss”.

The teacher asks, “Why is that, Angus?”

Score: 71

New Student Jokes

As a conservative college student in America I wish everyday is like Trump no class.

Score: 6

The year 2120 in a classroom. Teacher: "That anti-vaccination movement eventually died out in the beginning of the 21st century."

Student: "I'm glad they finally came to their senses."

Teacher: "No. It was Polio."

Score: 28

teacher and student joke Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb "to ring?"
Student: What do you think, sir?
Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.
Student: I don't think I know either, sir.

Score: 7

Mischievous medical student. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. This time he went to his professor.

Student: 'How long can a man survive without a brain, sir? '
Professor: 'I don't know really'.... 'How old are you? '

Score: 6

After years of studying, a physics student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Professor, Professor, I think I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes

"It's about time!"

Score: 11

Why couldn't the A level student date the IB student? Because a + ib is complex.

(It's a math joke.)

edit: this is not original, heard it from a friend.

Score: 55

I asked an exchange student where he was from. For some reason he just kept saying "you're a guy"

Score: 9

Master Akira A confused japanese student asks his master:
- Master Akira, why does all japanese people look alike?
And his master answered :
- I am not Master Akira.

Score: 12

Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Score: 18

A student busts into a lecture hall right as the professor is finishing his lecture The student says professor sorry I'm late, do you mind summarising the lecture for me in 2 minutes.

The professor says, No need son, it will all be on the exam

Score: 10

I got my student loans down from 100k to 50k overnight with this super easy life hack. Divorce

Score: 31

Why did the student fail on his book report? TLDR

Score: 7

Last year, 7th grade students were forced to clean the entire school. This year, the principal said, "Last year, the 7th grade student did the cleaning. This year, let the 8th grade students do it."

Score: 19

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. One student replies "G"

"Why's that Angus?"

Score: 50

What do you call a Mexican that got into Harvard? A student...

Score: 11

Why did the English teacher assault his dumb student? He was hoping for a sentence.

Score: 6

Whats he difference between a camel and a college student? Camel can go daaaays without drinking.

Score: 9

Prof.: There are no dumb questions! Prof.: "Are there any questions? There are no dumb questions!"

Student: "Do cows sweat more under the black dots than under the white ones?"

Prof.: "Wow..."

Score: 7

A zen student asked his master, "is it okay to use email?" "Yes", replied the master, "but no attachments".

Score: 42

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

Score: 20

A yoga instructor killed a student before class started He's being charged with pre-meditation murder.

Score: 6

Funny Jokes!!! Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 23

most clever student Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.

Score: 66

Teacher: use dandelion in a sentence Jamaican Student: de cheetah is faster dandelion

Score: 7

What book does every Mexican student read in school? Tequila Mockingbird.

Score: 45

What do a Harvard student and Yale student have in common? Both got into Yale.

Score: 9

Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."

Score: 44

Teacher says "use 'dandelion' in a sentence"... The Jamaican student replies "De cheeta is faster dandelion"

Score: 29

Double positives One day, during a lesson at the community college, the professor is explaining how a double negative will always be positive but a double positive can never be negative.

To which his student replies "yeah right"

Score: 13

A student who never showed up to class or did the reading asked me to curve his final paper grade. I said yes. I took a red pen, scratched out the grade on the paper, then rewrote the F in cursive.

Score: 9

What is your favourite alphabet? A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

Score: 9

A student asked me today if there was such a thing as a stupid question. Of course not, I said. What a dumb thing to ask.

Score: 20

A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.

Score: 43

My son got sent home from school today.. My son got sent home from school today for letting a female student jack him off

Thats the third school this month.

I guess teaching might not be for him.

Score: 6

In 1910 Freud was old But his student was Jung

Score: 17

At school A teacher writes on the whiteboard: HNO3 and asks a student:

\- What substance is that?

\- Hmmm... wait a moment... It's on the tip of my tongue!

\- Spit it out at once!!! That's nitric acid!

Score: 26

The English Teacher in India Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 9

The School Janitor Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.

Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?

Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.

Score: 6

The "American Dream" was discussed in class the other day... ... the professor turned to the German foreign exchange student and asked if they had anything like that in Germany to which he responded,

"We did, but nobody liked it."

Score: 40

A English teacher says to a African student.. "okay you're doing really good with your English, I would like you to use the word dandelion in a sentence" the student replies "ohh that is easy, The giraffe, is bigger, dan de lion"

Score: 14

A student walks up to their teacher. Student: "Teacher, would you ever get mad at me for something I didn't do?"

Teacher: "Of course not! why?"

Student: "Because I didn't do my homework"

Score: 11

A student walks into class late... Teacher: "Why are you late?"

Student: "While I was coming, I saw a sign that said **School ahead. Slow down.**"

Score: 8

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

A high school student approached a group of popular kids during lunch time. "May I join you?" he asked politely.
"We don't sit with idiots." they said.
"But I do." he replied as he gestured them to scoot over.

Score: 15

Did you hear about the Piano Teacher that slept with his student? She was A Minor.

Score: 27

The karate student kept killing all his teachers... I guess he became desenseitized

Score: 11

What do you call a Med School student who graduates with all C's? A Doctor.

Score: 5

Joke of The Day A new Student came to the class. After telling the rest of the Children his name, the teacher asked, "what does your Father do"?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Student :" Whatever Mom Says"

Score: 8

Punishment - joke A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
Teacher:" Of course not."
Student: "Good, because I haven't done my homework."

Score: 5

Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash.

Teacher: Get out.

Score: 14

One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

Teacher - if my cup is half full, what does that mean? Student - that you need a smaller bra!

Score: 5

Careers Advisor to American student: "What do you want to be when you leave college?" Student: "Alive".

Score: 7

Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I" - Funny Joke Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 54

Funny comeback from a student TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Score: 6

What did the Office of Admissions say to the recently-accepted Urology student? "Ur-ine!"

Score: 5

What did the music teacher say to the student with social problems? Just B♮.

Score: 8

A joke from Civil War History Class today Teacher asks: 'The southern plantations were very wealthy. Exactly how much of that wealth did the slaves get?'

Student answers: 'A whip'

Score: 14

What's the difference between an art school student and a monkey? Monkeys can do math.

Score: 12

What do you call a medical student who graduates last in his class? Doctor

Score: 42