Submarine Jokes

I saw a documentary about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage But I think this sub's doing even better!

I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine. It’s a pretty good µ-boat.

TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy Oops, wrong sub

How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? you knock on the door.

AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.

North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine Woops, wrong sub

The other day, I was on a submarine tour. I was going to tell a dark joke, but my friend stopped me.

“Why shouldn't I tell my joke?" I asked.

"Err, this isn't the right sub."

Maybe the Titanic really was a ship of dreams... and its dream was to be a submarine.

What do you call a marine who can't swim? A submarine.

The Titanic was recently visited by a diving crew with a robot submarine. What they found out was completely amazing. Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full.

Did you hear the joke about the broken submarine? It didn't go down well.

How do you sink a norwegian submarine? Swim down and knock on the hatch.

(In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green. That would've been sublime.

How can north korea tell if it made a ship or a submarine? By how fast it sinks.

Working on the computer is like driving a submarine. Once you open windows, the problems begin.

Hoping there hasn't been one in a while, but blonde joke thread. How do you drown a submarine full of blondes?

Knock on the door

How do you sink a Canadian submarine? You knock on the door and they will open it and invite you in for a beer

Why did the submarine quit its job? It was under too much pressure.

What do you call a dog riding in a submarine? A subwoofer.

TIFU by starting a World War after accidently shooting a British submarine. Oops, wrong sub.

How to sink a submarine with 10 blondes in it? You knock on the door.

How do you sink a norwegian submarine? You knock on the door.

How do you sink the same sub again?
You knock on the door and they'll come out saying "Haha! We're not falling for that one again!".

This sub isn't as good as it used to be Said the captain as he decommissioned the old submarine.

What do you call a dog in a submarine? A subwoofer

What do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine? A not see you boat.

TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine. Oops, wrong sub!

When a pregnant woman takes a bath She’s become a human submarine.

My grandfather was the kind of man who was proud of the fact that his back door was always open. We think that's why his submarine sank.

Two sardines swim at the bottom of the sea. A submarine goes by. — Heavens! What’s that? — Just a can of people.

Video: Finnish Navy and Yle mistakenly follow Russian nuclear submarine Whoops. Wrong sub.

How to sink a submarine with a blonde on board? Just knock. She will open it.

How do you start a German submarine? DOS Boot.

Whats long, hard, and gets women excited? A diamond encrusted submarine you freaking pervert.

I bought a submarine that I really couldn't afford. Now my mortgage is under water.

What do you call a pregnant woman scuba diving ? A submarine.

My grandpa doesn’t want me to work long term on a submarine He says 100 men go down and six months later they come back with 50 couples.

What do you call a pregnant woman taking a bath? A human submarine

What does the crew of the HMS Nando submarine use to spot incoming ships? The peri-periscope