Hilarious Subway Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Subway Jokes

Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants

Score: 16983

TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 4059

Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way. Trying to get into smaller pants.

Score: 2779

To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

Score: 649

Score: 575

I thought this guy on the subway was yawning. Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.

Score: 463

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

Score: 333

Subway is a lot like prostitution. You're paying someone else to do your wife's job.

Score: 187

I made a huge mistake I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years.

Score: 169

Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition

Score: 163

The ladies call me Subway. Because I have poor quality meat and lie about being 6 inches.

Score: 147

Subway is like prostitution... You pay someone else to do your wife's job!

Score: 139

So this black guys stopped me on the subway and asked "did the Yankees win?" I looked him in the eye and said "Yes, it's ok, you're free now"

Score: 137

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich. Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 130

Jared from Subway's career ended the same way it began With him just trying to get into some smaller pants.

Score: 118

I just heard an old man tell this joke on live radio... - Knock, Knock

- Who's there?

- Little Boy Blew

- Little Boy Blue, who?

- Jared, from Subway, that's who

Score: 100

My husband is like the New York subway... He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.

Score: 96

How did Jared the subway guy begin and end his career? By trying to get into smaller pants.

Score: 96

My high school bully still takes my lunch money... On the plus side, he makes really good subway sandwiches

Score: 85

I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich. She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?"

Score: 78

Y’all hear about Jared from Subway? He started with a mild cholesterol problem but ended up with a child molesterol problem.

Score: 72

These Jared from Subway jokes are so tired Bill Cosby started using them to knock out his victims

Score: 68

What do Subway and prostitutes have in common? You're paying them to do your wife's job

Score: 58

Subway to release a statement next week In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.

Score: 46

How did Jared from Subway lose weight? He was ordering off the kids menu.

Score: 43

Subway is similar to prostitution. You pay other people to do your wife's job.

Score: 42

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? It was from subway and could only make it half way.

Score: 40

Why are Subway and Jared no longer together? Because Subway has been around longer than 17 years and Jared lost interest.

Score: 32

I had my prostate exam yesterday. It’s the last time I will ever fall asleep on the subway.

Score: 32

I used to think it was pretentious that Subway call their staff “Sandwich Artists”. But I suppose it is the most likely career option for an Art graduate.

Score: 31

To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money. On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.

Score: 28

She threw her vibrator on the subway tracks... It didn't work; the train didn't come any faster.

Score: 26

Subway is a lot like a hand job I can do it myself

Score: 26

What do subway and prostitution have in common? You're paying someone else to do your wife's job

Score: 24

How do you fit an elephant into a subway? You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way.

"There's no F in Way"

Correct!

Score: 21

What do you call a midget playing drums in a subway? A metro-gnome

Score: 21

I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners... Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...

(I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)

Score: 17

TIL that you can be kicked out of Subway for taking a bite out of someone else's food. Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 16

TIFU by getting my girlfriend's order wrong at Subway Oops, wrong sub

Score: 14

What do me and Subway have in common? We both lie about it being six inches

Score: 11

New Subway Jokes

My girlfriend threatened to break up with me because 6 inches was not enough for her. I told her "Fine next time I'll get you the footlong subway".

Score: 0

Some jerk assaulted me for sneezing ‘too loud’ on the subway... He’s lucky he didn’t apepper me too!!

Score: 0

Yesterday in the subway, I stood next to some guy whow was constantly smiling and coughing. Now I feel sick. Thanks for the cold, kind stranger.

Score: 0

What did the Madalorian say when a lost man stumbled into his fast food restaurant? This is the subway

Score: 0

I saw a garden elf On the subway today muttering to himself click.... click.... click.... click....

He was a metro gnome.

Score: 3

What did the Buddhist Monk ask for when he walked into the Subway? One with everything.

Score: 3

How do you fit an elephant in a subway? You take the "S" out of "Sub" and the "F" out of "way."

Score: 2

What do Subway and I have in common? We both advertise a healthy foot long, but it's really only 7 - 8 at most

Score: 2

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway? They realized he was stroganoff

Score: 2

I should get a job at the Pentagon Subway So I can say I build subs for the Pentagon.

Score: 6

I'm always annoyed when I see adverts for Dailysex classes on the subway... ...why can't they advertise helpful classes, maybe something that would help me with my dyslexia

Score: 2

Girlfriends are like subway seats... You don't know how many homeless guys were in them before you came along.

Score: 5

You must be a terrible Subway employee Because you just have me a footlong for free.

Score: 2

How do you get a blue whale into a subway? Take the 's' out of 'sub' and the 'f' out of 'way'.

Score: 2

Whats the average man got in common with subway foot longs ? they're always a little smaller than they say.

Score: 6

How do you get an elephant into a subway? Take the S out of sub and the F out of way.

Wait for it...

Score: 2

Another horse walks into a bar The barman says "why the long face?"

and the horse replies "because my entire family were killed and served to customers in Subway.

Score: 2

Apparently the Subway in my town has hired a new 'Sandwhich Artist'. Looking at my sandwich, my guess is Jackson Pollock.

Score: 0

I had an original sub from subway for the first time in ages Meh. It was pretty substandard.

Score: 1

TIL that Subway will give you your money back if they mess up your order. Whoops wrong sub!

Score: 2

welcome to subway! lettuce meat olive your eggspectations

Score: 2

I've been seeing a therapist i saw him last on the subway. i think he's stalking me

Score: 2

A hen walks into Subway The sandwich artist says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken."

Score: 5

Why did half a chicken cross the road? To get to Subway.

Score: 4

The guy who used to bully me in middle school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

Score: 2

TIFU By forgetting my wife was allergic to seafood when I got her supper from Subway Woops, wrong Sub.

Score: 1

The bully who used to take my lunch money from me in middle school still takes my lunch money from me everyday Except now he works at Subway and I'm on my lunch break

Score: 1

I wish my wife worked at Subway Maybe then she would make me a sandwich.

Score: 1

TIFU by mixing up my sub order at subway. Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 8

6 inches is the size prefered by women, Source: I work at Subway.

Score: 9

In college, 'Subway Jared' couldn't decide what to major in. He just wanted to get a minor.

Score: 5

We should all be thanking Subway for their humanitarian efforts this holiday season... ...as their former spokesperson, Jared, touched many children...

Score: 2

Want to hear a joke about Subway? Okay, but it's not really kid friendly.

Score: 2

Subway made a change in their policy today.... They banned employees from asking if customers want 6 or 12 inches with their kid's meals.

Score: 1

another thing Jared and subway have in common? Old meat fresh buns!

Score: 1

Why do subway sandwiches only measure up to 11 inches? Jared likes his footlongs a little smaller.

Score: 2