Teaching Jokes

I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes.

Edit: Apparently a lot of you are all teaching my mother new things too. Weird.

My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off... I said son that's 4 schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you

Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10



----

Edit: I think I may be missing a version, but looking through the comments it seems no one else knows what it is either. I'll have to google it.

My son just got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off. I said son, that's the third school this year, maybe teaching isn't for you.

I just got a new job teaching English at a maximum security prison. It's going to be tough but like any other job out there..... It'll have its prose and cons.

My son was kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off. I said, "Son, that's the third school this year..." "Maybe teaching isn't for you."

I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery. None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.

Edit: So I come back to my joke and have no idea what happened...

My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off in class. That's three schools now. Maybe teaching isn't for him.

(Joke by Jimmy Carr)

What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class? Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.

My dad told me to make little things count That's why I'm teaching maths to dwarfs

Started teaching my son and his friends Karate... I'm not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

I tried teaching my mom how to build a PC But all it did was make my motherboard

Today, I made the little things count by teaching math to midgets.....

Why did the cyclops quit teaching? He had only one pupil.

Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10

I'd like to thank /r/jokes for teaching me so many jokes! I've always hated the sound of laughter...

I told my boss that when I get nervous, I like to imagine my audience naked... ... she said I should probably stop teaching the 2nd grade.

I tried teaching my dog how to dance, but it turns out... ...he's got 2 left feet.

I used to pee my pants every time i had to talk in front of my 3rd grade class It really killed my teaching career.

The War on Terrorism.... ....God's way of teaching Geography to Americans.

So I was teaching my brother English... I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.

Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South? They hate integration

A teacher is teaching. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

A suicide bomber is teaching some new recruits... He said, "Watch this demonstration carefully. I'm only going to do this once."

A Fencing instructor came back to the academy after a well deserved holiday Only to find that the relief instructor had been teaching his students nothing else but to parry and counter.

Apparently all the sub could do was riposte.

A blonde joke A professor is teaching his class and gets philosophical.
"Fame will come to you only if you succeed "

The blonde asks, " Who is Seed?"

Where do Squarells live? In Geometrees.

I am not embarrassed to say I made this up two weeks ago while teaching quadrilaterals. The groan from my students could be heard for miles.

A suicide bomber is teaching a bombing class. “Pay attention. I’m only going to do this once!”

I'd like to thank my Spanish teacher for spending so much time teaching me what mucho means It really means a lot

Make little things count they say. Henceforth I will be teaching midgets some math.

What did the resistor say to the capacitor after he beat him in a game? I ohmed you!

(my 10 year came up with this when I was teaching him soldering)

You know what really grinds my gears? Teaching someone how to drive stick.

Yesterday, my computer science teacher was teaching us about for-loops... ... he said it was a *for n* concept.

True procrastination is a lost art Those who completely mastered it's practice never got around to teaching anyone else their secrets.

Parents spend the first 3 years of their child's life teaching it to walk and talk.. They then spend the next 10 years teaching it to sit down and shut up.

What does a suicide bomber say when he’s teaching class? Pay attention! I’m only going to show this once.

Sir, you cannot fish here! “Sir, you cannot fish here!”

“Don’t worry, I’m not fishing, I’m just teaching my worm to swim.”

My son got sent home from school today.. My son got sent home from school today for letting a female student jack him off

Thats the third school this month.

I guess teaching might not be for him.

Sometimes I do things to children that they're too young to understand... ...such as teaching them calculus and microbiology.