Hilarious United Airline Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest United Airline Jokes

These United Airline jokes really need to stop They're being dragged out

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UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout

EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411

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What headphones does United Airlines use? Beats by Dr.

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Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed. You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

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Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

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Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight: 1)Wearing leggings
2)Having an United Airlines ticket

-Dan Regan

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On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal. At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.

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United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.

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What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines? One has dragons and the other has drag-offs

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Two guys walk into a bar. Psyche! It's just another United Airlines joke.

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It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack. If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

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There was a race to see what company's planes flew fastest United Airlines beat everyone...

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United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane" Largest bill for Chinese take out to date

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Was going to do United Airlines joke But everyone already United Airlined me to it.

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4/5 doctors recommend united airlines You can't beat that!

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What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat? You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.

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Why was 1 afraid of 4? United Airlines.

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A man went to the United Airlines counter A man went to the United Airlines counter. The ticket agent asked, “Sir, do you have reservations?”
He replied, “Reservations? Of course I have reservations, but I’m flying anyway.”

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United Airline jokes aren't dead They're just overbooked

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I'm starting to feel that the united airlines memes are like beating a dead horse. so to save everyone some energy I bought the horse a ticket to fly United.

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So many failed United Airlines jokes... They just don't get off the ground.

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Have you heard the new United Airlines motto? "One drag a day keeps the doctors away!"

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Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties He said they punched his rights out.

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UA at it again If you can't beat them, join them.

-English saying

If you can't join them, beat them.

-United Airlines over booking policy

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Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar... They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.

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I order eggs through United Airlines when making omelets. Because they come pre-beaten.

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Have you seen that old Nick Cage movie about United Airlines? Con Air.

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Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu? I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.

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I think my work is boring and not challenging enough... I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!

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My girlfriend has a new fetish... To be treated like a United Airlines customer

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Why did the vulture fly United Airlines? Because they allow 1 free carrion

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I was gonna make a United Airlines joke about the doctor... But it got carried away

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Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got? They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!

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In order for United Airlines to keep their business... They're really gonna have to have unbeatable prices!

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I was going to make a joke about the united airlines... But someone already beat me to the punch.

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When you fly United Airlines they treat you like a King. Rodney King that is.

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I booked an airline ticket with United Airlines It was a drag

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how do United Airlines treat their passengers? \[Removed\]

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United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business... ...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.

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New United Airline Jokes

United Airlines should be a sponsor of Planned Parenthood for all the takeoffs they abort

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Been awhile since I've seen some United Airline jokes on this sub Guess they were dragged out of the meta

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What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common? Chinese take out.

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Did you know that United Airlines has the cheapest prices! Therefore, their prices are unbeatable!!!!!!..... but their customers aren't.

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What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.

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So Delta and United Airlines are in a bar... United: "We threw a doctor off our plane!"

Delta glances around, spies baby....

Delta: "Hold my beer..."

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A massive rabbit aboard a United Airlines flight turns to the passenger sitting next to him and says "Ehhh, what's up Doc?"

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Did you hear the latest United Airlines joke? Passengers thought it was hilarious. Had em rolling in the aisles

Yep, still milking it....

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United Airlines United Airlines, now offering Chinese take-out........

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The United Airlines incident has me re-thinking the validity of... the 'fight-or-flight' mechanism.

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Why doesn't Doctor Who travel with United Airlines? Because the tardis is faster.

Yeah, you were expecting a joke about that doctor who got kicked off the United Airlines flight, but you were wrong.

WRONG!!!

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I tried some United Airlines Salsa Today *It had a some kick to it.*

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United Airlines new motto: "Our prices can't be beat, but you can."

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United Airlines service has become absolutely abysmal. I mean, just 16 years ago, they'd fly you right into your office!

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United airlines- arrive as a doctor Leave as a patient.

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United Airlines adds a new food item to their menu Beet Salad

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As compensation for their appalling behaviour, United Airlines are going to sponsor a lot more community sports and activities Their first project will be Drag Racing

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If United Airlines are ever underbooked will they force people to get on?

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Why do people fear flying with United Airlines? Because they reach their bruising altitude before takeoff.

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Up next on Showbox... Mayweather vs United Airlines staff.

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How do you eat your United Airlines meal? Through a straw.

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We should stop the jokes about United Airlines At this point we're just dragging a dead horse.

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United Airlines: Enter as a Doc, leave as a patient

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All of these United Airlines jokes Are just plane rude

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What is the official vegetable of United Airlines? Beets

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I was going to make a United Airlines joke, but there's so many.. That it threw me off

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Stop With The United Airline Jokes! Like seriously, it's dragging on Wei Tu Wong.

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What item can get you thrown off of a United Airlines flight? A Ticket

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Pentagon awards new military contract to United Airlines To forcibly remove Assad

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Breaking News: United Airlines to replace carbonated beverage options. They will now only sell punch.

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Near death experience with united airlines Well it was more of a fight or flight moment

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I was about to buy cheap tickets on United Airlines, But someone beat me to it

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C'mon guys...The United Airlines jokes are too much. Please, leave them in Chicago.

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The past few days summed up Pepsi: We just pulled the worst PR stunt of the year.
United Airlines: Hold my beer.
Sean Spicer: LEEEEEEEEEEROY JEEENKINS.

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What did the dog say about the United Airlines Employee? Ruff

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Did you hear that United Airlines has stopped serving beer? But they still offer a nice strong punch.

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I'm pretty sure the list of passengers to be ejected from that United Airlines flight was... ...doctored.

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What does United Airlines and The United Center have in common? The cheap seat are nosebleed seats.

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What do you call an Elite Team of United Airlines employees? Steal Your Seat Team Six.

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United airlines did get one good thing out of this all. Everyone will volunteer their seat if they're over booked.

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United Airlines has just become the safest international airline Not even terrorists would fly with them anymore

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United Airlines just dropped a new song... It's a big hit!

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The doctor on the United Airlines flight could have avoided being beaten so easily. All he had to do was give the air marshal a Pepsi.

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I tried to book cheap tickets on the United Airlines.. But someone beat me to it.

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United Airlines does not want you to talk about them So they made a Fight Club

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United Airlines new customer service motto: If you can't beat 'em.... ....BEAT 'EM!

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I'm sorry I told a United Airlines Joke Please don't beat me

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Careers at United Airline 1. Bouncers

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A United Airline a day Beats the doctor away

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The entire United Airlines incident could've been avoided... if someone had offered a Pepsi.

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American airlines, Delta Air Lines, and United Airlines all had a race... United Airlines beat them all, united airlines beats EVERYBODY.

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"Its ok to hit a man with glasses." - United Airlines

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What's United Airlines most popular in-flight drink? Punch.

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Me and the wife found a cheap pair of tickets with United Airlines and decided it was time to join the Mile High club. In the end all I got was beat off.

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Did you hear that United Airlines just updated their motto? "United Airlines: Beating our competition, AND our passengers, since 1926!"

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What's united airlines new slogan? Our seats are so comfortable, you won't want to leave.

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