Hilarious Vacuum Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Vacuum Jokes

If you think your microwave spying on you is bad... Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

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What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum? Dyson.

Score: 797

If Microsoft ever makes a product that doesn't suck... ...it'll be a vacuum!

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I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic Woomba

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I got Inside a vacuum chamber once. It was breath taking.

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I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner... All it does is collect dust.

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My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment.
I said, "no, just do the floor."

Score: 141

Why are dogs afraid of outer space? Because it's a vacuum.

Score: 130

If you think your microwave and your TV spying on you is bad. Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

Score: 113

What is an anti-vaxxer's favorite vacuum brand? Dyson.

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If Microsoft ever makes a product that doesn't suck... it will be a vacuum cleaner.

Score: 91

I'm gonna sell my vacuum cleaner. It's just collecting dust

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Here's an old German joke: What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner? There's only one dirtbag in the vacuum cleaner.

Score: 77

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a vacuum? A vacuum has a filter

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I was walking through Home Depot yesterday when I tripped and knocked an industrial vacuum cleaner onto a bunch of carpentry tools.

It sucked on so many levels...

Score: 70

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck the way it used to. Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

Score: 60

Yesterday I sold my vacuum in a garage sale all it was doing was collecting dust.

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Why is outer space so clean? It's a vacuum!

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Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch? Because they have no attachments.

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I just bought the best vacuum ever It sucks

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I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

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I told my son that I found his hamster. He was ecstatic. Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner.

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Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery? Because they have no attachments.

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I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. Well, it was just collecting dust.

Score: 36

Just Spent 3 hours in the Emergency room...... .... the Dyson Ball vacuum has a VERY misleading name........

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What’s an antivaxxers favorite vacuum? Dyson.

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What vacuum cleaner brand do Antivaxxers prefer? Dyson.

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I sold my vacuum the other day All it was doing was collecting dust.

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Does anyone want to buy a vacuum cleaner? Mine is just collecting dust at the moment.

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What do you call a blind girl with a vacuum? A Roomba

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Apple is going to release the first smart vacuum cleaner this year The first Apple product that doesn't suck

(not hating on apple or anything but i got this joke somewhere)

Score: 17

No matter what vacuum cleaner you buy They all suck

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Does anyone want a vacuum cleaner? Mine's just gathering dust.

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What did the father say before he killed his child with a vacuum cleaner? Dyson

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My friend just hired an Eastern European cleaner and it took her 15 hours to vacuum the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

If this is a repost then sorry, but I heard it today and haven't seen it on here before...

Score: 15

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, it was just collecting dust at home anyway.

Score: 10

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner All it was doing was gathering dust.

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What do you call a janitor in space? A vacuum cleaner

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For sale: Vacuum Cleaner £30 Reluctant sale, but it is just collecting dust.

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New Vacuum Jokes

We need a new vacuum cleaner in our household. The one we've got just collects dust.

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Why did the billionaire have his dead body burned on a pyre then sealed in a giant vacuum bag? So that in 1,000 years when they opened him up he'd still be crispy

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I haven't used my vacuum cleaner in a few months now. It's starting to collect dust.

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What did dust say to an old vacuum cleaner? You can't suck me off

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What's the only difference between a vacuum and a Harley? Where the dirt bag sits.

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My friend said he has a pump on his backyard he needs to vacuum out before he can turn his fresh water back on. I said “well that sucks”

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I called customer service when my Dyson broke And they said sorry, nature abhors a vacuum.

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My life is like a vacuum cleaner.. ..it sucks.

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What's the difference between a biker and a vacuum? The position of the dirt bag.

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My vacuum cleaner wasn’t working that well So I put a Honda sticker on it so it would suck more

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I'm having a headache because of my vacuum cleaner. It sucks.

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How do you clean up in outer space? With a vacuum cleaner...

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A vacuum cleaner company removed their latest model from stores a week after launch, All user reviews said that it sucked.

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halloween When I told my wife to use a vacuum instead
of a broom the witch flew of the handle.

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Had to get rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just collecting dust.

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What's the difference between a fancy vacuum and a flaky offspring? One's a Dyson, the other is a dry son.

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I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner It was just collecting dust

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When a vacuum does its job it sucks. When a fan does its job it blows.

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I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner... it was just gathering dust.

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Pro Tip; For the best suction, put a fresh bag in the vacuum. Or just wait for the little lady to get home.

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So, if you need a new vacuum cleaner... Would you ask for one that sucks less or more?

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What do you call an abortion vacuum? A womb-ba

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I decided to sell my vacuum It's just collecting dust

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I heard that Dyson, the vacuum cleaner giants, are planning on making a new electric car... I hope it doesn't suck.

Score: 8

If you clean your vacuum cleaner You're making your vacuum cleaner, and you're a vacuum cleaner

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I can't tell if my vacuum is broken it just sucks.

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So I decided to put my vacuum up for sale Suffice to say, it's just gathering dust.

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The other day a blimp told me he contained a perfect vacuum I told him he was full of hot air

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Did you hear about the Buddhist vacuum cleaner? It has no attachments.

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner, and a lawyer on a motorcycle? The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

*For a million-six points... What Netflix show- a spin-off from its famous predecessor- did this joke come from?

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I bought a new vacuum cleaner. The old one was just gathering dust.

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I Call My Girlfriend the Vacuum. I ask her to blow, but she really sucks.

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What's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a Harley motorcycle? The position of the dirtbag.

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If space is a vacuum... There must be a giant woman up there.

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When you clean out a vacuum cleaner You become a vacuum cleaner

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I hate vacuum cleaners, they either suck, or don't work at all.

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My wife asked me to teach her to use the snowblower.. I said, "How about we start with the vacuum".

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Scientist: "Would you mind testing a space suit in a vacuum chamber for me?" Test subject: "Sure thing"

Scientist: "Ok, make sure to press the orange button. No pressure."

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I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...so far, all it's been doing is gathering dust...

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I'm thinking of selling my old vacuum cleaner It's been gathering dust for years.

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I recently sold my vacuum It just sucked

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I work for a company who specialises in vacuum packed marine mammals. We're famous for our airtight seal.

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What's the difference between a vacuum and a Harley Davidson? The position of the dirtbag

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