Hilarious Walk Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Walk Jokes

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

Score: 24914

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.

Score: 22838

Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar... I don’t remember the rest.

Score: 21665

A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says bartender.

Score: 16313

Score: 14665

An infinite number of people walk into a bar... The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...

The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

Score: 11990

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says... Bear with me...

Score: 11974

I heard that they have dogs now that can smell if you've got cancer That must be the most depressing dog ever to take on a walk. "Your dog really likes me" "I'm so sorry."

Score: 11209

Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. Then she noticed me so we went for a run.

Score: 6643

A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Ceasar walk into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.

Score: 6013

I just saw my wife walk around with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It’s laundry day.

Score: 3206

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat. In the end, he came around.

Score: 2780

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar... An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...

The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.

Score: 2342

Two fat ladies walk into a bar They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Score: 2313

The bartender said we don't serve time travellers. Two men walk into a bar.

Score: 2194

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... ...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

Score: 2020

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Northern Irishman walk into a bar The Englishman wants to leave, so they all have to.

Score: 2011

Edgar Allen Poe is about to walk into a tree and you only have enough time to say one word before he hits it. What should you say to him? Poetry!

Score: 1990

Circumcisions are painful. When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year

Score: 1743

A feminist and a Muslim walk into a bar. - comedy removed due to complaints -

Score: 1694

An ego and a superego walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'll have to see some id"

Score: 1615

My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.

Score: 1608

Two blondes walk into a bar You’d think the second one would have ducked

Score: 1438

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar I know because they told me.

Score: 1413

There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly where you just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.

Score: 1405

(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar... Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."

Score: 1331

I walk into a hardware store.. "Any two-watt bulbs?"

"For what?"

"That'll do. I'll take two."

"Two what?"

"I thought you didn't have any. "

"Any what?"

"Yes please."

Edit: Thanks /u/eyekwah2

Score: 1331

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 1321

Two introverts walk into a room... One leaves

Score: 1187

A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar And that was just the first guy

Score: 1099

A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead

Score: 860

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve time travellers here." Two time travellers walk into a bar.

Score: 538

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar. The bartender says: "OH SNaP"

Score: 501

Me: "Gee honey, it sure is muggy out today!" Her: "If I walk outside and all of our mugs are on the front porch, I'm leaving you."

Me: *sips coffee from a bowl*

Score: 410

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Score: 389

An atheist, vegan, and crossfitter walk into a bar I don't know what happened because I left

Score: 331

I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

Score: 286

20 men walk into a bar Worst game of limbo I've ever seen.

Score: 281

A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet... But I can only walk so fast.

Score: 277

I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting." So here goes:

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

Score: 273

New Walk Jokes

The secret to walking out of a casino with a small fortune is to walk in with a large one

Score: 26

A rapist, a bigot, and a pathological liar walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have, Mr. President?"

Score: 62

Gold and Silver walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Ey you, get outta here!"

So Gold left.

Score: 71

A Demogorgon, a Dungeon Master and a Sherriff walk in to a bar. My friend shouts "Wow! I've never seen anything like this. Isn't this amazing?!"

I replied "Nah, I've seen Stranger Things."

Score: 64

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar It was very tense

Score: 26

A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at night... "Golly!" the boy says, "It sure is scary out here!"

"You think you're scared!" the clown replies. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone."

Score: 90

I named my dog 6 miles so i can tell people that i walk 6 miles every single day.

Score: 83

My favourite thing to do is to walk into book stores and say “Hello! I'm looking for a book titled ‘How to deal with rejection without killing’.” “Do you have it?”

Score: 52

E-Flat, A-Flat, and B-Flat walk into a bar.. ..the bartender says, "Get lost, kids. We don't serve minors."

Score: 26

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead ...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Score: 49

A Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub. The Scotsman says "round of drinks for everyone on me." The next day's newspaper headline read: "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind pub."

Score: 59

The bartender said: "Sorry, we don't serve Time Travelers." ...

Two Time Travelers walk into a bar

Score: 30

A vegan, feminist and a famous rapper walk in a bar I only knew because they told me 10 times.

Score: 245

I was made to walk the plank as a child. We couldn't afford a dog.

Score: 37

A Russian spy, a Klansman, and televangelist walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry. Republican Convention is next door."

Score: 105

A German and a jew walk into a bar... The German farts.
The jew starts crying and says "Not again".

Score: 46

Two overachievers walk into a bar Clearly the bar wasn't set high enough.

Score: 65

Why do white girls always walk in group of odd numbers? Because they can't even...

Score: 26

My goldfish died. And I only got to take him on one walk.

Score: 36

Two chemists walk into a bar... The first chemist says "I'll have some H20"

The second chemist says, "I'll have some H20 as well."

The first chemist kicks himself as his assassination attempt fails.

Score: 91

Oxygen and potassium walk into a bar The bartender said "Ok"

Score: 32

What was two wings, but cannot fly; two eyes, but cannot see; and two legs, but cannot walk? A dead bird.

Score: 39

Two CPU's walk into a bar... Which one pays?

[the one with more cache](#s)

Score: 63

What nationality are you when you walk into the bathroom? Russian.

What nationality are you while you're in the bathroom?

European.

What nationality are you when you walk out of the bathroom?

Finish.

Score: 51

A kid and a clown are walking through the woods. The kid looks around and says, "man these woods sure are scary"

The clown replies, "you're telling me I have to walk out of here alone."

Score: 149

A spy, an adulterer, and a guy who launders money for the Russian mob walk into a bar... The bartender says "What'll it be, Mr. President?"

Score: 60

Two lumps of concrete walk into a busy bar... They see some chairs next to a lump of tarmac, and the one goes over to sit when the other grabs him saying:

"Dude, don't sit next to him.. he's a cycle-path"

Score: 28

As a kid I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog

Score: 156

If I had a dog... ... I would name it 5 miles. Then I could tell people I walk '5 miles' everyday.

Score: 27

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes." After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!”

Score: 71

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and also have their shoes.

Score: 77

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

Score: 154

Pain. Two young boys are waiting for their
surgery…

“What operation are you having done?”

“Getting my tonsils out, what about you?”

“Circumcision”

“Oh that’s bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn’t walk for a year”

Score: 118

why do buddhists walk around barefoot its good for the sole

Score: 49

Two social justice warriors walk into a fence store... Both took a fence

Score: 29

Two guys at a bar, one says "My wife drives me to drink." The other says "You're lucky, my wife makes me walk."

Score: 26

A Priest, rapist and murderer walk into a bar. And he orders a drink

Score: 74

Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve bacteria here.” The bacteria say, “But we work here, we’re staph"

Score: 203

A priest, a rabbi, and a chicken walk into a bar. The bartender says "Nope! We don't do jokes here, get out!"
And the chicken says, "Come on guys, I know a place across the street."

Score: 98

Two guys walk into a bar. Psyche! It's just another United Airlines joke.

Score: 154

What do you say to warn Edgar Allen Poe about the tree he's about to walk into? Poetry!

Score: 166

Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar. They set it lower.

Score: 44

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan walk into a bar... The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.

Score: 35

A priest, a child molester, and a rapist walk into a bar... He sits down and has a drink

Score: 33

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

Score: 145

A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"

Score: 80

A liar, A cheat, and a sore loser walk into a bar. The bartender says:

What'll it be Mrs.Clinton?

Score: 26

Two Irishman walk out of a pub. It could happen.

Score: 26

A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?

Score: 130

A sheep,a pot and a snake walk together then fall of a cliff... *Baah Dum Tssssss*

Score: 179

What's the difference between a gorrila pit and Mordor? One does not simply walk into Mordor

Score: 55

Two Scotsmen walk past a baker One turns to the other and says 'Is that a cake or a meringue?'

The other replies 'no you're right, it's a cake'

Score: 36

two bears walk into a bar no one survived.

Score: 52

A programmer goes on a walk A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."

He never returned.

Score: 224

I walk into a bar... ... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except one guy...

Score: 118

A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump. They've both given it a lot of thought.

Score: 106

Three helium atoms walk into a bar HeHeHe

Score: 125

Don't walk through a field of mushrooms It's quite a tripping hazard.

Score: 37

A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone.

Score: 90

5 black people walk into a restaurant... And the first one says, "Table for three please."

Score: 25