Hilarious Windows Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Windows Jokes

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.

Score: 24965

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then *gently* tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 2395

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".

Score: 2097

Score: 1864

On a cold winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:

"Computer is really screwed up now.”

Score: 1861

I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.

Score: 1279

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition that he gets to install windows.

Score: 1111

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open. Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 494

If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting... ...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.

Score: 430

I farted in an Apple Store today and got thrown out because of it Not my fault they don't have Windows

Score: 342

After getting the windows on my car tinted black, I showed it to my wife. She said, "I wouldn't be seen dead in that thing!"

I said, "That's the point."

Score: 339

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7? I still love vista, baby

Score: 332

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.. His response was "I still love Vista, baby!"

Score: 309

“Stewardess” “Yes, Sir?”

“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.”

“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”

Score: 291

I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me... Like it's my fault they don't have Windows...

Score: 279

Girl, are you a Windows update? Because not now.

Score: 257

Why do French tanks have rear windows? So they can see the battlefield!

Score: 257

Why do the french have windows at the rear end of their tanks during WW2? So they can see the battlefield

Score: 251

A blind guy rang my door bell... When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

Score: 164

Wife texts husband, "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband replies, "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it
and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife sends back 5 minutes later, "Computer is really messed up now."

Score: 125

How do penguins open windows? They drink wine

Score: 125

Wife texts husband on cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 119

A Linux Joke In computing, what's the only way to generate a truly random string?

Put a Windows user in front of VI and tell him to quit.

Score: 113

Yesterday I farted in a Apple Store and everyone got mad at me It's not my fault they don't have Windows

Score: 112

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day. Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

Score: 110

Why do Macs run hotter than PCs? Because they don't have Windows.

Score: 110

I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10.. He said "I still love Vista baby!"

Score: 80

I heard Apple is trying to develop a new car. But they're having trouble installing windows.

Score: 79

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Windows 7? I still love Vista baby...

Score: 76

What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer? They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.

Score: 72

Why do farts linger on in the Apple store? They can't open windows.

Score: 42

What did adobe illustrator say to Windows 10? Nothing (Adobe Illustrator has stopped responding)

Score: 39

A man in a coma is like a non-responsive Windows program You can either wait for it to respond or terminate it.

Score: 36

Yesterday I farted in an apple store and everyone got mad at me Not my fault that they don't have windows.

Score: 31

Someone farted in an Apple Store. Too bad they don't have Windows.

Score: 26

The people at my school are very PC and its so annoying I can't go five minutes without someone asking me if I'd like to update windows

Score: 16

I farted in the Apple store and now everyone hates me. Not my fault that they don't have windows.

Score: 15

I once farted in an Apple store... It's not my fault they don't have windows.

Score: 14

How are Computers and Air Conditioners similar? They both stop working when you open windows.

Score: 13

Why does joe Biden use a Mac? Because apparently he doesn’t want you to have windows.

Score: 13

New Windows Jokes

What do you call a serious man with a scythe that sneaks around outside people’s windows? The grim peeper.

Score: 6

Why do people on the iss use linux You can't open windows in space

Score: 6

What did Putin day when asked about the three doctors falling from third floor windows I help them, get floor count down to zero.

Score: 0

Why do all doctors Windows computers? Because they can see that every time they get near an apple it keeps them away.

Score: 2

My career as a hacker was short lived after I made a suit out of envelopes and climbed through my neighbours windows. Mailwear

Score: 2

Why don't horse stables have windows Cause qho has ever heard of stable windows.
(this joke is from an old point & click spongebob game)

Score: 2

Last night I opened the windows and let the mosquitoes all inside and then I closed the windows And I slept outside, it’s called “confusing the enemies”.

Score: 6

I bought a computer with Windows Vista installed on it. People were joking and laughing at me for the "bad deal" I had made. Little do they know, I got legimate Windows 95 too. All original. Joke's on them, I consider this as a Win Win situation.

Score: 2

I want to have a window shop on a strip so people can truly window shop for their windows

Score: 0

I like my women how I like Cortana on Windows 10... ...Disabled.

Score: 3

What is the difference between an Apple Mac and a Windows PC? If you own a Windows PC, chances are that you eat ramen often as a meal.

If you own an Apple Mac, you can only afford to eat ramen as a meal.

Score: 1

Why did Apple's new plane crash? Because it didn't have windows.

Score: 8

My dad said his first car had a Dual-55 air conditioning system. All you have to do is to roll down both of the windows and drive 55 miles an hour.

Score: 8

What's the difference between JavaOS, MacOS, and Windows NT? One is BS, One is BSD, and the other guarantees a BSoD.

Score: 1

Why did Microsoft named its software Windows? It's founder had enough Gates.

Score: 2

A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *poof*, DOS is gone without a tres.

Score: 1

Confusing the enemy ;) Last night I did something terrible to mosquitoes, they will never forget. I opened the windows and let them all inside then I closed the windows and slept outside. it's called confusing the enemy.

Score: 2

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding that your Windows has a bug.

Score: 2

My mom told me to make like a Windows 10 user And live life on Edge.

Score: 3

What do you use when you want to clean windows during a seance? a squeegee board.

Score: 3

What do you call the White House with nothing but windows? A green house

Score: 2

Why did the blonde put her laptop in the microwave? Because Windows froze on startup.

Score: 1

Just like people, I never judge a book by its cover... Unless that cover is brown. In which case I roll up my windows and lock my car doors.

Score: 3

Clean my Window Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is important too.

Score: 1

A blonde walks into a store... And asks if they sell curtains for her computer.
The manager asks, "Why do you need curtains for a computer?"
The blonde replied, "Because my computer has Windows."

Score: 1

Why did Eric Clapton switch from a PC to a Mac? Because he had a bad experience with Windows.

Score: 3

What did Windows say to Mac OS XP

Score: 1

I like my women like I like my windows... 7, no XP.

Score: 5

What do you call a nut that likes to look in the neighbor's windows? A pecan Tom.

Score: 5

Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he can install windows.

Score: 12

Why did Microsoft skip to Windows 10? Because Windows 7 ate 9.

Score: 1

Why did Microsoft not make Windows 9? Because seven eight nine.

Score: 2

You can tell a lot about a person by their house Peeking in through the windows
Recording their every move
Listening in with lasers
Yep, you can tell a lot about someone by their trash
Or behind a bush

Score: 4

Girl, are you a windows update? Because I hate you already!

Score: 5

What do you call a room with no walls, no windows and no door... ...A Mushroom

Score: 3

I farted in Apple and they kicked me out It's not my fault they don't have windows

Score: 11

I just can't look through windows. It panes me.

Score: 2

An Apple Car? If Apple were to make a car would it include windows too?

Score: 2

Newlyweds mistook Vaseline for putty. All their windows fell out.

Score: 1

I guess having tinted windows makes you a jackass. No one waves at me anymore.

Score: 2

Why was the Windows team kicked out of the open source convention? No one was wearing a tux.

Score: 2

Why dosent Windows 9 exist? because Windows 7,8,9

Score: 1

Why did the man get the windows logo printed onto all his underwear Because he thought it would make them software

Score: 2

what do you call a vegetarian restaurant with lots of big windows? a vegi-terratium...

Score: 2

Bill Gates had vandals throwing rocks at his house. Not much damage but he's had to reinstall his Windows.

Score: 1

I'm feeling very left out… Even the CIA doesn't want anything to do with my Windows phone.

Score: 5

Why did windows go from Windows 8 to Windows 10? Because 7 ate 9

Score: 4

Bill Gates got a new job at a glass company. He installs windows.

Score: 2

I hate this hot weather, I have to keep my windows closed because all my neighbour's kids do is scream. I'm seriously considering giving them back.

Score: 2

Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn't know the difference between KY Jelly and silicone caulk? The glass fell out of their windows.

Score: 2

I went into a Apple store and farted. The manger told me to leave. It's not my fault they had no Windows

Score: 3

With all these self-driving cars being tested... Microsoft decided to get into the mix with a self-driving car of their own. Recently the car encountered a severe storm in which case the only damage it encountered was...broken Windows.

Score: 1

I was trying to trick someone into getting the new Windows But they saw right through me

Score: 2

What kind of room has no windows or doors A mushroom

Score: 2

Where do buy a gift for a peeping tom? The windows store!

Score: 1

My wife likes to window-shop a lot. The situation is so bad that we have more windows than walls.

Score: 3

TIL that, on a Windows computer, your browser will become transparent if you press Alt+f4 Just kidding, it's actually Ctrl+W

Score: 3

So if Jewish and born via Cesarian, For Passover do you wipe lamb's blood over the windows?

Score: 0

What's the difference between a daydreamer and a pervert? A daydreamer stares out of windows.

Score: 4