Hilarious Words Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Words Jokes

Score: 13941

Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were: "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"

Score: 13782

I have a pen that can write underwater! It can also write other words too

Score: 11141

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain... In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

Score: 9635

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

Score: 9475

I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Score: 9322

I'll never forget my dog's last words "You've taken too much acid."

Score: 8415

I finally got an A on my essay! Only 1999 more words to go.

Score: 7817

Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words Lazy

Score: 6502

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield? She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

Score: 6474

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 4778

I've just bought a thesaurus but all the pages are blank I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Score: 3547

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy

Score: 2613

Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."

Score: 2340

Why do The Brit’s still use ‘u’ in words like “colour” and “armour”? Because Rick Astley is British.

Score: 2183

After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Who was that?

Score: 2075

9/10 people. Accordion to research, 9/10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Score: 1711

I heard my daughter say her first words to me today... "where have you been in the last 20 years?"

Score: 1680

I received a thesaurus in the mail today, but when I opened it all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Score: 1512

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect.. Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

Score: 1498

People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.” *Their words, not mine.*

Score: 1305

My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.

Score: 1283

Did you know that the majority of people don't know the opposite of these words? Always

Coming

From

Take

Me

Down

Score: 1262

My professor accused me of plagiarism His words, not mine.

Score: 1260

"D-d-d..." Dad - "Hey look! He's gonna say his first words!"

Son - "D-d-dad I'm 30 years old st-st-stop making fun of my stu-tu-tutter."

Score: 1220

Student: Are well and actually both one syllable words Teacher: Well yes , but actually no

Score: 1205

So my girlfriend just told me that she needed velocity... Well, her exact words were "time and distance" but I knew what she meant.

Score: 1171

A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words... Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

Score: 961

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

Score: 934

Words can't describe how beautiful you are... But numbers can.

2/10

Score: 883

When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"

Score: 737

I’m in favour of a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words, I’m for joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 728

I never forget my son's first words... "Where the heck have you been for 16 years?"

Score: 659

I bought a thesaurus at a store today. Brought it home to find all the pages were blank... I have no words to describe how angry I am

Score: 517

I still remember my grandfather's last words Don't point that gun at me you idiot

Score: 427

I just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out all the pages are blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Score: 413

My brother asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy

Score: 312

Sometimes I use big words that I don't quite understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis

Score: 199

I just started practicing some speed reading techniques. Last night I read "War and Peace" in about 10 seconds. I know it's only 3 words but it's a start!

Score: 157

Suicide Bombing Instructor What were the suicide bombing instructor's last words?

"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"

Score: 152

New Words Jokes

I got mixed up between the words "Jacuzzi" and "Yakuza" Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

Score: 13

I got the words 'jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' mixed up the other day Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia

Score: 30

Bought a pen the other day that can write under water It can write other words too

Score: 53

As a married man, I always get the last word in a conversation or argument with my wife. Those words are usually, "Yes dear."

Score: 16

Please stop making 9/11 jokes... my father died on that day. I still remember his last words: "Allahu Akbar"

Score: 11

Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime. Because actions speak louder than words

Score: 133

Grandpas last words before he kicked the bucket "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

Score: 125

I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup... ...took the words right out of my mouth.

Score: 104

85% of Millennials struggle with figuring out the opposite of these words. Always
Coming
Take
Me
Down

Score: 57

Words can't describe how beautiful you are. But the date can. 3/10

Score: 24

How can you describe 'small' in 3, 2 letter words? Is it in?

Score: 11

A man meets a girl in a bar The man says to the girl "every time you smile it makes me want to take you home"

The girl replies "Your words are beautiful, are you a poet?"

The man replies "No I am a dentist"

Score: 14

The dictionary I ordered on eBay had only blank pages I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Score: 69

What was the redneck's last two words? Watch this.

Score: 17

In high school I was in a theatrical production about puns. It was a play on words.

Score: 41

When I die I want my last words to be, " I left a million dollars under the..."

Score: 102

my thesaurus got here yesterday. But when I opened it, it was blank inside. I have no words for how angry I am.

Score: 39

When my mother died all my father said was, "Cough, fatigue, fever." He's a man of flu words.

Score: 20

I just attended a theatre show about puns It was a play on words.

Score: 12

I'll never forget my son's first words... "Where have you been for the past 10 years?"

Score: 17

We all know Trump will just fire the next batch. In other words, Reince and repeat.

Score: 16

What has 3 words, 8 letters, is easy to say, and hard to prove? I'm a zebra.

Score: 25

My school did a performance last year called "The Dictionary" Turns out it was just a play on words.

Score: 53

Do you know what two words can wreck a man's life? I do.

Score: 79

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

Score: 15

I saw a rock the other day that has been painted on.. The words: Turn me Over ----->

I turn the rock over then it says:

"You just took orders from a rock

Are you stoned?"

Score: 147

So I was teaching my brother English... I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.

Score: 69

I might not be the most companionable, engrossing and perspicacious person. But at least I know long words.

Score: 35

Would you rather feel the pain of your toes bring crushed in an instant, or spread out over a few years? In other words, here are your brand new safety shoes.

Score: 53

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I’m mature, I’m moral, I’m pure, I’m polite and I’m perfect.

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

Score: 11

A biologist is sent to prison, The first words he says to his cell mate, "I am the mitochondria."

Score: 17

Some one has stolen my thesaurus. I can't find the words to describe how angry i am.

Score: 72

Words can't describe how beautiful you are So I will use numbers, 5/10

Score: 36

I almost bought a pen because it wrote underwater, but the biggest selling point for me was... It wrote thousands of other words!

Score: 48

My friend said, "I'm trying to think of words that start and end with the same letter." I said, "How about that."

Score: 72

There's a new show on Broadway called "Puns" It's a play on words

Score: 98

What was the internet technicians dying words? Tell my WiFi love her

Score: 15

Trump has been criticized for being incredibly sexist, homophobic, fundementalist, and wanting to bring back slavery In other words, he's been criticized for acting like a Muslim.

Score: 21

Polish history in five words: Stuck between Germany & Russia.

Score: 14

Learn how to speak Irish in seconds... Say these words quickly:
Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked

Score: 12

My first girlfriend gave me a picture she drew with the words "you're my angle." It might have just been because she was dyslexic but I thought it was acute.

Score: 12

I never misspell words. My blood is typo negative

Score: 122

A cockroach's last words to a husband: "Go ahead, kill me coward. You are just jealous I will make your wife scream more than you do when I climb her."

Score: 37

Words can't express how beautiful you are. But numbers can.

4/10

Score: 48

TIL I know more words than Shakespeare Shakespeare. Albatross. Conglomerate. Sasquatch. Carnival. I have more...

Score: 15

I hate people who use the wrong words in a sentence and don't correct themselves They sometimes should have the humidity to admit it.

Score: 15

There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical marijuana as an option for arthritis patients. In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 48

Bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find all the pages blank I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Score: 14

I did a theatrical performance on puns... It was a play on words.

I'll let myself out.

Score: 25

I know kung fu, tae kwan do, ninjitsu, karate, tia chi... and a few other asian words.

Score: 43

Someone asked me to write a sad story in 3 words today I just replied "Trump or Hilary"

Score: 18

I started writing a musical about puns It's going to be a play on words.

Score: 15

I just left my job. I could not work for my boss after the words he said to me. "You're fired."

Score: 14

I went to see a theatrical performance on the history of language Turns out it was just a play on words.

Score: 18

Always remember these 2 words in your life which will open many doors to you. Push and pull.

Score: 58

Apparently, over 80% of people... Apparently, over 80% of people don't know the opposites the the following words...

1) Always

2) Coming

3) From

4) Take

5) Me

6) Down

It's even harder, I'm told, to read the opposites of those words out loud.

Score: 82

79% of people don't know the opposites of these 6 words. 1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

Are YOU the 21%?

Score: 32

Did you see the Broadway musical about the dictionary? It's a play on words.

Score: 47

I went to see a theatrical piece about puns last night it was a play on words

Score: 24

I Was Going To Write A Theater Piece On Puns.... ...but then I realized it would just be a play on words.

Score: 101